Your homework is done,
Dinner long over,
Siblings tucked away with nary a peep.
Time to turn off your music, your iPhone, your light,
Time to go the f—k to sleep.
The “last five minutes” of your video game
Is going on an hour.
You say you have stats to upkeep.
Let’s play a new game where I am the winner.
The game where you go the f-k to sleep.
Night is short, my sweet child,
And soon we shall wake.
At six, your alarm clock will beep.
Mommy wants but a half hour
All to herself
So please, go the f—k to sleep.
Your lunch has been made
Permission slip signed
A glass awaits me, merlot tall and deep.
Don’t you dare drink that coke
It has loads of caffeine
How will you ever go the f—k to sleep?
Mommy and Daddy have not been
Alone in forever.
Look, your poor father may weep!
You never think of anyone
Other than yourself.
You never just go the f—k to sleep.
Are you seriously starting
A fresh load of laundry?
Look – stars are out,
Crickets, they cheep!
I don’t care if your hoodie
Smells like a butt.
F—king wear something else
And go to sleep.
You’re comfy in bed
Covered in blankets
Your energy finally replete.
Well look who’s suddenly
Taken an interest in Hemingway.
How about taking an interest in going. The f—k. To sleep.
As you slip out your door
Downstairs, slowly you creep.
Backpack in hand, your homework’s not done.
F—k it. I’m done. I’m going to sleep.